Stress = not okay

So I survived yet another semester (though I'm sure I lost quite a few brain cells in the process) despite all the emotional craziness going on in my life and the horrors of the wretched book entitled the Aeneid (if you're a diehard fan of this book then I truly don't mean to offend you, but this thing made a nerd like me want to drop out of college. Just saying....). Following my completion of this agonizing err educational experience that has resulted in lasting benefits for my life (at least it'd better considering how much I paid for it) I spent about a week vacationing from the normal stressful thoughts of my life. However, seeing as how it's me (and if you know anything about me you'll know that I get stressed about such things as what to have for dinner and whether or not someone despises my guts due to his/her not having texted me back in a five-minute time period), my vacation from stress-city was incredibly short-lived. I soon became swept into a spiral of concern over money (I live on my own now and pay my own bills and have determined from this that being a grown-up is incredibly overrated), whether or not I was doing enough to get accepted into graduate school (which is still two years away btw), and the responses of other people to me in my life (never mind that I virtually have no control over such a factor...).

Everytime I get swept into such a spiral, I tend to unintentionally disregard the fact that God is in control and He pretty much has to slap me across the face to get the point across. For instance, about a week ago an old song that has some personal meaning for me regarding to this issue came to my mind, and I thought, "well hmm that's interesting. but oh well. I guess I just randomly thought of it", and then went about my business. Well, a few hours later, I was on the way to work and this song (that is several years old and I literally haven't heard on the radio in months) comes blasting on just when I'm about to get out of the car. I was quite shocked to say otherwise. Yes, you might call it a coincidence, but it really impacted me and I consider it a message straight from God (like I said, I'm a tough person to calm down...).

If that wasn't enough, a few days later I was sitting in the laundromat doing my laundry (yes, I'm too poor to have a washer/dryer in my apt...ain't nobody got money for that..) and this random middle-aged man came over and sat down next to me and commented that he'd seen me at church. Fortunately I remembered seeing him there or else I probably would have run for the hills, laundry done or not, seeing as how I'd never talked to this man a day before in my life and I couldn't think of a non-suspicious reason for him to be randomly talking to me....Anyways, he started telling me about some of his experiences in life, how his faith in God had opened doors for him that he never could have opened for himself, and how if one trusts in God, God will use you right where you are and will provide for you. I was pretty blown away to say the least, and told that that was exactly what I needed to hear today. He responded with, "Yeah I felt that God wanted me to come over and talk to you today..." After that, I went from being pretty to completely blown away. After all, I'd strongly considered not even doing my laundry that day and had decided to go in on a last second whim. Having a total stranger speak to me on a topic that had been bothering me for weeks completely amazed me and was exactly the slap in the face that I needed from Heaven above. God truly does work in mysterious ways...

So no, I doubt that I'll ever completely be a stress-free, happy-go-lucky individual who thinks only thoughts of sunshine and roses for the rest of her days. However, I've truly been taught this week that stress is absolutely pointless when one is a follower of God. The Bible promises that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28). As long as we as God's children are willing to serve Him and to put Him first in our lives, He's going to get us through life and use us right where we are. Yes, struggles and unfortunate things are going to happen in life, but God can bring good out of even the worst of situations and if we trust Him, He's going to get us through. He cares about every little thing that happens in your life  and wants to help you and get you through your struggles. So instead of stressing and trying to control everything, we need to pray, give all the control to God, and do the best we can with what we're given. If that isn't a winning life philosophy to live by, I don't know what is....

Hannah the Psychologist

Well okay....so the title is a bit of a lie. I'm actually more like a secretary for a psychologist. But hey, yours truly will be a psychologist herself in......4 years....6 years...a whole heck of a lot more years.....okay yeah it's gonna be a while but if I don't think about the length maybe I won't notice it (a person can dream right?) Anyways, while I am suffering through....err.....thoroughly enjoying my never-ending educational experience, working at an office as a humble secretarial assistant shall have to suffice. Honestly, the job is really not that bad. It's actually sort of epic when you think about how much you can discover about people just by sitting at a desk. For instance, some people appear to have gotten the impression that I exist as a (completely free) extension of their current psychological service. Either they perceive me to be a particularly nice person who will empathize with their problems or they're just bored as heck waiting on their appointment and find talking to me a little more interesting than listening to the clock tick. Whatever the reason, I have heard countless tales of family drama, medication nightmares, bipolar moments, and the list goes on....The awesome part is, all I have to do for this wonderful experience in my future field is sit there, nod, listen with wide, interested eyes, and interject an occasional word of wisdom. Hey if my job's gonna be that easy then who needs all these years of educational nightmare?? haha just kidding. Being a psychologist is no walk in the park so don't get any ideas about that one....Anyhow, being able to talk to a variety of people and hear about all kinds psychological subjects from my boss makes this job absolutely perfect for the psychology nerd that I am. Not to mention, being the only employee at this office, I once received a fax that was addressed to the "Office Manager" (aka me) which made me feel super important and puffed my ego up more than it probably should have.

Despite the awesomeness of this job, it does have its rather non-glamorous aspects. For instance, while at this job, I have experienced lifting boxes crammed with patient folders from the top of an incredibly tall closet (without breaking my back or my face I might add), washing dishes with a very old, very stained paintbrush (not my brightest moment), falling asleep at the desk and jumping about fifty million feet when the phone rang next to my ear drum (only happened once though so don't judge me...I was one sick individual at the time....), attempting to fix a rather large printer (and almost chopping off my finger in the process), and staring at the computer for so long that I literally wanted to gouge my eyes out. But, in the end, none of those things matter seeing as how this has been the absolute perfect job for me and it was a miracle I even got it at all. After all, I got this job with no previous secretarial experience and had absolutely NO idea what I was doing for at least 2 months in. Heck, I wouldn't have even hired me. But, over two years later, I haven't been canned yet and I'm incredibly thankful :) It's been quite an interesting experience, that's for sure, and one of these days (if I survive graduate school that is) I'll be the psychologist myself and I MIGHT even give you a discount if you show up and tell me that you read all my blogs faithfully and never missed a one ;) We'll just have to see ;)

Faith in prayer

Over the past few months, I've become caught up in a situation that I'm pretty sure God has wanted me to be in. Yeah, okay, I want to be in it myself too, but I really felt like God has been guiding me through this and has had me going through this for a very good reason. Well, recently I've hit a huge giant wall in this situation that has really got me discouraged and questioning what exactly God wants me to do about it.When I hit roadblocks with this before and prayed about it, God always gave me some kind of encouragement or sign to keep going (and things were going pretty darn well). Over the past few weeks, though, I've prayed and prayed (and prayed some more) about this and really nothing has gotten better. I'm still stuck with no answers and no clue about what to do about it.....

Such discouragement, however painful, serves as a good reminder to me of the importance of keeping faith in God and His plans, even when I have no clue what He's up to. Yeah, it's super super hard not to want to get really mad, stop praying, and just give up seeking God's will and do whatever the heck I want to do in the situation. However, I've come to the realization that it's at times like this when you have to pray and trust God more than ever before. After all, that's what faith's really all about. Faith wouldn't mean a thing if I could see ahead and know exactly how this situation's gonna work out. Rather, authentic faith occurs when you're in the dark and you have no idea what's going to happen. "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." (love that quote by MLK Jr.), which means that we must not let doubt or fear prevent us from living our lives. Rather, we must live with the assurance that, if we trust God and seek His will, He's going to work everything out for our good (even if we can't see what He's doing right this very minute).

So yes, I'm extremely downhearted right now and have no idea where this situation is going and how things are going to turn out. But the one thing I do know is that giving up on God and prayer is not the answer. The Bible speaks numerous time on the power of prayer and how God will never ignore those who call upon His name. Some of my favorites: "I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray." (Psalm 17:6), "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." (Hebrews 4:16), "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7). No, the Bible doesn't promise that we will get everything we want, right here, right now, when we pray. After all, just as a parent doesn't grant all of their child's wishes (because children often do not know what is best for them), God is not going to grant all of our wishes as He knows full well that some of our requests would prove detrimental to us later down the road. Also, God's timing is not our own. Something we pray for now may not become resolved for months down the road. I have an incredibly difficult time with God's timing as I have rather low levels of patience (never would have thought that of me, right? ;) ) and I give up on things/situations rather easily. However, one thing God has surely taught me over these past few years is to NEVER give up praying for things that are important to you (as God answered a prayer very dear to my heart nearly a year after I started praying for it). Thus, I must remember to never give up on prayer as prayer often proves more powerful than we could ever realize. I often compare prayers to planting seeds in a garden. You plant seeds and care for them for many months until they bloom into new life (just as, oftentimes, you must consistently pray for something before God provides the answer you seek).

I could go on and on about this topic, but seeing as how you probably don't have all day to read my blog (though I'm sure you wish you did) I'll wrap things up with a wonderful quote I found by Oswald Chambers
 “We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.” In other words, instead of worrying all the time about the troubles of life and dwelling on the negatives, we must lift our eyes to God and trust that, if we seek His will earnestly and never give up coming to Him, He will answer our prayers. No, He may not give us the answer we want, but He WILL get us through the situation and will provide for us in ways far more wonderful than we could have imagined for ourselves. Scripture reminds us that, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28). Thus, I have to remember to keep trusting that God will work out this struggle in my life for His glory and for my ultimate good. I've seen God work miracles in this situation previously, so the only smart thing left to do is to let go, do the best I can, trust, and pray and see what God does. After all, I have no clue what the heck I'm doing in life most of the time and God hasn't failed me yet in seeing me through. So, I don't think He's going to start failing me now......